Making Difficult Choices

It is sometimes quite intimidating to find yourself at a crossroads. The choice is difficult to make, and has permanent consequences, so you can’t take it lightly. In fact, you’ve been mulling over these ideas for quite some time, but something has always stopped you from making a move forward. Perhaps it is fear- fear of the unkown, fear of shame, fear of failure, or any combination of the three. Maybe you are stuck because of you are confused, and can’t figure out how you got here, why you are here, and there seems to be reasons to go in either direction. No matter the situation, the truth of the matter is that you have to make a choice. Your indecision will not be counted for anything. You cannot return to your past, and you cannot undo the other decisions you’ve made. You must choose a direction and move forward in it, no matter what paralyzes you.

This is why prayer is so necessary. Where you are paralyzed, you need to seek wisdom, and then actually DO something. Prayer helps to calm all the voices that send you conflicting messages, and the signs that seem to point in opposite directions. Sometimes you need a truly objective perspective, one that isn’t emotionally invested in the situation, in order to see things clearly. God sees the end from the begining, and can show you exactly what you need to do. Even when it seems He is silent. And trust me, as frustrating as it can be to wait on God, it is much worse to move forward and discover that you made a fatal mistake, and need critical resolution. If you are not one who prays to God, (and even if you are) perhaps a therapist/counselor can help.

Proverbs 11:14 says, “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.”

Pracitcal, reasonable, and universally applicable advice. The truth is that if many people would simply stop depending on their own strength, their own intelligence, and their own perspectives, they’d stop ending up in some really messed up situations. Solomon, the wisest king in the world, surrounded himself with plenty of  wise and knowledgable people who could give him sane and valid advice. Every (sucsessful) ruling party in the world has some form of advisory board to help them lead nations, and not because they’re not qualified or intelligent, but because success is best attained when one admits to not knowing everything and admits to their shortcomings. Pride will only stunt your personal growth, and will ruin your chances at success. But please remember one thing- you’re only as good as the advice you take. If your advisors are messy, inconsistent, lack integrity, or are having the same issues as you are, you are better off neglecting their advice. Make sure you are seeking advice from people older, wiser, and who’ve survived your situation. Make sure that you’re not just sticking to your peers, your friends, or your family. They may not have the objectivity to make a clear assesment. And above all, be truthful. People give advice based on the information they are given. If you are really seeking accurate counsel, you need to be open and truthful. Nothing is worse then getting inaccurate advice based on inaccurate information. 

So to anyone (else) facing huge decisions, scary decisions, know that there is an abundance of help available to you. Pray about it. Seek wise counsel. And then move forward, even if all your questions haven’t been answered. You may never know why you’re in a particular situation, and you might have to wait until you’re long past the situation to truly see how you arrived at such a difficult place, but action is a risk that you absolutely must take in order to survive. You might think you’re risking everything in moving forward, but the greater risk is trying to stand still and letting the situation control your destiny, rather than the other way around. Your fear will kill you. So don’t let it.

Pray. Seek. Move. 

Elevating Standards: Know Your Worth

Many of us have settled for less than what we deserve. I know, I do it all the time, across various areas of my life. But I have recently made a decision to stop settling. And I have come to the realization after hours, days, weeks, and years of my life spent complaining about some of my circumstances. The truth is, nothing is perfect, but that cannot be the excuse to settle. “No one is perfect. There’s no such thing as the perfect job. No situation is perfect. The world is full of imperfection. Don’t be that person with the impossible standards.” Although true, those statements cause many to choose the bare minimum, not asking for (or holding out for) the things they actually deserve. And I refuse to keep doing that.

I have chosen the bare minimum for many reasons: I try not to be fussy or demanding, so as long as it makes sense, I’ll accept it.  I also accepted less than I deserved because I believed I deserved less. I chose less because to me, with my background, my health issues, and the sum of my mistakes, I thought I deserved less than what I wanted and needed. And I have suffered tremendously because of it. The truth is that if we were to actually raise our standards, both people and situations would have to rise to meet us. If they chose not to, they were unworthy of us in the first place, and we were better off in a situation that would promote growth, not restrict and diminish us.

In the case of a job or career, many choose something ill-fitting because they need the money. Truth is, if you are better than your job, your colleagues may diminish your performance in jealousy. Your superiors, fearful of losing their position, may refuse to promote you, and find reasons to keep you in a job you’ve outgrown. In a relationship, your significant other may be insecure and try to diminish you because they know you deserve better. They may turn down your desires to invest in opportunities that would improve both of your qualities of life because they do not want you to be exposed to people who would remind you of your worth. And in all these situations, so long as we choose to believe the lies, we sell ourselves short and inhibit our own personal growth.  A job that meets your financial and mental/emotional needs is paramount to your success. You will not perform well if you are dying inside every time you have to be at work, can’t stand your coworkers or superiors, or feel that your job is beneath you. In the same way, you will lose yourself in a relationship where your significant other is handicapping your growth, diminishing your morale, living beneath (or beyond) your means, and otherwise not meeting your needs. True no relationship or job is perfect, but you can definitely tell the difference between healthy and toxic situations. (If not, there will be a blog to follow about identifying toxic situations).

Part of raising your standards is realizing who you are.

“… For you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9  NLT

We are the children of the Most High, created with purpose, and made to be great. We are sons and daughters of the most powerful Being in the universe, and we walk around defeated, accepting less than royalty deserves because of fear, shame, and self-doubt. In the same way your insecurities should not cause you to break someone else down, they should not cause you to let yourself be broken down. You were “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and you cannot let another creation break you down. You must choose to accept more, better, and even if it causes you to break relationships, quit jobs, or change social or living situations, you must always value yourself because others will only give you what you accept from them.

In all of this, one word of caution: you must not set impossible standards. While you set high standards for others, for jobs, and for situations, you yourself must FIRST rise to the occasion, and hold the same standards of excellence for yourself. When you hold yourself in high regard, you work harder and invest more of yourself. Then you raise your standards to meet your level of hard work. And you continue to cycle between giving your best, and staying humble and compassionate, recognizing that many others still devalue themselves and need positive role models and encouragement to discover their self-worth. Thank those who, through both positive and negative experiences, taught you your value. Be kind to those who are still on their journey, and offer a kind and helpful word, remembering that once you were in the same mental space. And remember to thank your Creator for seeing the best in you before you saw it in yourself.

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” Psalm 139:14 NLT

Scattered Gems

Welcome to the Scattered Gems blog!!

Everyone seeks out and finds hidden treasure. Not literally of course, or we'd all be rich (which would make none of us rich by default.) But everyone searches for things they consider to be of value and add it to their collections. Their perception of "something valuable" can vary. It could be gold, silver, or jewels. It could be a career, a spouse, or a life's dream. In my case, hidden treasures signify wisdom, truth, and purpose. I am always on a quest to enrich myself with things that are wise, true, and purposeful.

One of my favorite Bible verses is found in Proverbs 25:2.

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing:
but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. (KJV)

It is God’s privilege to conceal things
and the king’s privilege to discover them. (NLT)

Discovery is a beautiful thing! Sometimes it happens accidentally, while attending to another matter or searching for something else. Sometimes, you are simply reaping the rewards of the effort you have placed in conducting the search. But the Bible is clear. Though there are things that are hidden which need to be sought out, there is honor and privilege in the journey to discovery.

I believe that the nature of mankind demands to be challenged. Face it, if you get something easily, it probably won't mean that much to you. Things that we acquire easily also tend to be devalued quickly. The "shiny, new thing" phenomenon wears off, and its back to business as usual. But when we earn something, searching and finally finding that payoff, the feeling is so exhilarating that it leaves an imprint on our minds. 

My goal in life is to never stop searching for the things that will make me better. There is never such thing as "too much" wisdom. Your capacity to learn grows as you learn more. "Too much honesty"  can be an excuse for those who do not like to be held accountable. Truth serves as a mirror to help you correct destructive behaviors and reinforces the presence of great qualities you already possess. And in today's world where most actions and interactions are superficial, finding purpose in things, situations, and activities truly makes you wealthy in the things that matter. In purpose, you find a place in the world, a raison d'être. It increases your capacity for greatness, sparks motivation, and provides the patience and longevity to follow through when times are hard. 

These (and other gems) are scattered amongst our life experiences and interactions with others. They're meant to be uncovered with time (and diligence) so that we value them for the treasures they are. That being said, I hope that this blog provides a few "gems" to enrich your life. 

What do you think of when you hear the phrase "hidden treasure"?

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
- Matt. 6:21 (NLT)