Many of us have settled for less than what we deserve. I know, I do it all the time, across various areas of my life. But I have recently made a decision to stop settling. And I have come to the realization after hours, days, weeks, and years of my life spent complaining about some of my circumstances. The truth is, nothing is perfect, but that cannot be the excuse to settle. “No one is perfect. There’s no such thing as the perfect job. No situation is perfect. The world is full of imperfection. Don’t be that person with the impossible standards.” Although true, those statements cause many to choose the bare minimum, not asking for (or holding out for) the things they actually deserve. And I refuse to keep doing that.
I have chosen the bare minimum for many reasons: I try not to be fussy or demanding, so as long as it makes sense, I’ll accept it. I also accepted less than I deserved because I believed I deserved less. I chose less because to me, with my background, my health issues, and the sum of my mistakes, I thought I deserved less than what I wanted and needed. And I have suffered tremendously because of it. The truth is that if we were to actually raise our standards, both people and situations would have to rise to meet us. If they chose not to, they were unworthy of us in the first place, and we were better off in a situation that would promote growth, not restrict and diminish us.
In the case of a job or career, many choose something ill-fitting because they need the money. Truth is, if you are better than your job, your colleagues may diminish your performance in jealousy. Your superiors, fearful of losing their position, may refuse to promote you, and find reasons to keep you in a job you’ve outgrown. In a relationship, your significant other may be insecure and try to diminish you because they know you deserve better. They may turn down your desires to invest in opportunities that would improve both of your qualities of life because they do not want you to be exposed to people who would remind you of your worth. And in all these situations, so long as we choose to believe the lies, we sell ourselves short and inhibit our own personal growth. A job that meets your financial and mental/emotional needs is paramount to your success. You will not perform well if you are dying inside every time you have to be at work, can’t stand your coworkers or superiors, or feel that your job is beneath you. In the same way, you will lose yourself in a relationship where your significant other is handicapping your growth, diminishing your morale, living beneath (or beyond) your means, and otherwise not meeting your needs. True no relationship or job is perfect, but you can definitely tell the difference between healthy and toxic situations. (If not, there will be a blog to follow about identifying toxic situations).
Part of raising your standards is realizing who you are.
“… For you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 NLT
We are the children of the Most High, created with purpose, and made to be great. We are sons and daughters of the most powerful Being in the universe, and we walk around defeated, accepting less than royalty deserves because of fear, shame, and self-doubt. In the same way your insecurities should not cause you to break someone else down, they should not cause you to let yourself be broken down. You were “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and you cannot let another creation break you down. You must choose to accept more, better, and even if it causes you to break relationships, quit jobs, or change social or living situations, you must always value yourself because others will only give you what you accept from them.
In all of this, one word of caution: you must not set impossible standards. While you set high standards for others, for jobs, and for situations, you yourself must FIRST rise to the occasion, and hold the same standards of excellence for yourself. When you hold yourself in high regard, you work harder and invest more of yourself. Then you raise your standards to meet your level of hard work. And you continue to cycle between giving your best, and staying humble and compassionate, recognizing that many others still devalue themselves and need positive role models and encouragement to discover their self-worth. Thank those who, through both positive and negative experiences, taught you your value. Be kind to those who are still on their journey, and offer a kind and helpful word, remembering that once you were in the same mental space. And remember to thank your Creator for seeing the best in you before you saw it in yourself.
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” Psalm 139:14 NLT
